you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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