I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
