The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
