Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
