so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
