I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
