You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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