i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
