you would pick up someone in the library
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
