it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
