Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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