every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize