I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please, let me fuck your mom
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
