I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
