Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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