we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
