My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
