the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
