All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
