exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
