haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
