There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
