i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
