i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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