dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
