He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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