I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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