We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
