I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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