god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The air taste purple.
Randomize