I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
