i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
