You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
