just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
