Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
