If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
