Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize