Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
