oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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