I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
