Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
50% drunk capacity currently
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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