so that wasnt chicken after all
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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