And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
