You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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