it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
