and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
