the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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