Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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