I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
