kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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