So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
