Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize