I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
