and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
