my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
