Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
