It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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