But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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