So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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