Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
