He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
