You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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