Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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