If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
