I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
