RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
