She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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