i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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